Scarlett Moffatt struggled to conceive for years before falling pregnant, and that desperation to have a baby made her equally desperate to be the perfect mother.
The TV presenter and Gogglebox star had her son Jude in June 2023, and says before she became a mum she watched parenting videos, listened to parenting podcasts, and even read peer-reviewed university research on the best ways to bring babies up.
She says: “It took us three years for him to arrive, and the day after we found out I was pregnant, we’d been meant to go to a fertility clinic. Every year it was my birthday wish, I was blowing candles out and wishing for us to have a baby – we’d wanted him for so long.
“I just wanted him so much. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with going in prepared and I did read parenting books, but I think you just learn as you go along. But definitely, in the beginning, I put a lot of pressure on myself to get it right.”
And she’s not alone – new research by baby products company MAM UK has found 63% of parents say they often feel under pressure to get everything right, and although more than half (54%), say the pressure to be a perfect parent mostly comes from themselves, three in four (75%) admit they pretend parenting is easier than it really is.
But Moffatt stresses: “If we’re truthful, no-one has it all together. Real parenting doesn’t come with filters, and we can’t just crop out all of the chaos that’s happening in the picture behind.”
The I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here 2016 winner wants to make it clear to other mums and dads that parenting perfection doesn’t exist, so she’s teamed up with MAM UK for its As They Grow, So Do You campaign, explaining: “It’s all about reminding parents there’s no perfect way to do it, and we’re all learning and growing together. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself that.
“Sometimes we’re our own worst critic, and it took a long time, but I’ve realised parenting isn’t about perfection. If anything it’s just trying your best – I honestly think that’s all we can do.
“As long as we’re giving love, that’s all that matters.”
Moffatt, who’s engaged to police officer Scott Dobinson and is planning to get married next year, says being a parent is more then she could have wished for. “Honestly, I absolutely love it – it’s everything and more of what I could have dreamed of,” she says happily.
“No-one talks about how much fun it is – a lot of people say how you don’t get any sleep and all the negatives, but I just think there are so many positives. Me and Scott proper belly laugh at Jude, some of the things he comes out with.”
Part of what she loves about being a mum is playing with her son, and being silly with him, and also the fact that her little boy shares her outgoing nature.
“Every day is just so chaotic, but in the best way possible,” she says. “I’ve always been front and centre stage, a very jazz-hands child, and I think it’s lovely seeing Jude’s like that. And I just hope that continues, because it allows me to also be silly.”
That “silliness” includes playing make-believe, singing in the car together, and pretending someone needs rescuing. “I’m very dramatic with my voices, I just love it,” she says with a laugh. “There’s something really wonderful about being childlike again, where you can just be silly and there’s no judgement.”
But surely there must be something about parenting she struggles with?
“Finding balance for myself,” she says immediately. “This is not me being woe-is-me, but I find it really easy to put myself last on the list – Jude is the top of every list.”
She says she’s started ballroom and Latin dancing again, but reveals: “I felt so guilty for going, and I was like why do I feel guilty for taking an hour out of the week to do something I love?
“I think the hardest thing is not being so hard on myself and actually going, ‘Yeah, it’s fine to go and do something for you’.”
She says she’s started socialising a bit more, and admits that after spending time with adults, “I didn’t think I could get any happier, but I come home elated, and I think it’s because all day I’m like [children’s TV character] Mr Tumble, so it’s nice to sometimes have those deep adult chats – I think I’ve missed it.”
But mixing with adults, whether in person or online, can lead to unwanted judgement – and certainly the MAM research found two in five (41%) parents think social media adds to their stress. And although Moffatt has 2.5m followers on Instagram alone, and believes social media can be of use for parents, she suggests people shouldn’t take what’s said on there too seriously.
“Sometimes we can read into things too much,” she warns. “I do think social media offers a network, especially for parents, and it was a saviour for me in those early days of being up at two in the morning and not being able to sleep, but just feeling like I was still able to chat to other adults.
“But I think we just have to take everything on it with a pinch of salt.”
And with that pinch of salt, she says, parents need to learn to use their own judgement. She recalls how Jude was recently climbing on the back of the sofa and she told him to be a good boy and get down because he could fall and hurt himself.
“But he just said ‘No, I want to be naughty’. I didn’t know what to do,” she admits. “But they’re the moments no-one can prepare you for – there’s no peer-reviewed articles I can read that tell me what to do in the situation. Sometimes you just have to figure it out.
“Every day, as they grow, so do we – you have to just change and adapt. Every six months Jude is like a different version of himself. And I really believe there is no perfect way to parent.”
So, after two-and-a-half years as a perfectly imperfect parent, is Moffatt planning to give Jude a little brother or sister?
She says: “It took us so long to have Jude and we’re in such a happy place. We’re so lucky that we have him and if we had another one, I don’t even know if I could feel luckier than I do now.
“We’re not actively trying, because that’s when it gets stressful and it starts to get a bit heartbreaking. But the dream would have been to have more. So hopefully that happens one day – it would be amazing.”
Scarlett Moffatt has partnered with MAM UK on the ‘As They Grow, So Do You’ campaign, highlighting the reality of parenting and reminding parents that no-one gets it perfect all the time.
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