As comedy clubs go, a cruise ship in the middle of a storm in the Bay of Biscay may be the wobbliest one I have ever been in. Waves crashed against the side of Virgin Voyages’ flagship Scarlet Lady as if they were heckling the acts on stage, who had come to entertain thousands of guests for the cruise line’s UK Comedy Fest. Think Edinburgh Fringe but with more water and drag queens.
As I embarked the ship, grey clouds had threatened what the captain described as “British weather”, but there were heartening bright neon signs around the vessel forecasting a week where we could “laugh our aft off.”
Some passengers – or sailors as Virgin Voyages calls them – had booked the cruise before it was announced that there would be a comedy theme on board, and even the compere – British comedian and TV and film star Jack Whitehall – expressed surprise at his role.
He joked on the opening night show that when Richard Branson invited him to perform for Virgin Voyages, he had assumed it meant a trip into space. And instead he was “spending a week with thousands of swingers.”
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Whitehall, along with several other comedians on board (Justin Moorhouse and Zoe Lyons) told us he was a first-time cruiser, and quipped that he had only expected to find himself on one after he had been cancelled.
The biggest challenge for the acts wasn’t staying politically correct, as New Zealand comedian Matt Stellingwerth pointed out, but staying upright, as the ship navigated the notoriously rocky Mediterranean Sea towards northern Spain.
Luckily, the motion of the ocean didn’t dampen the communal feeling that I’ve noticed is typical of a cruise ship environment, and passengers swapped stories over cocktails in the bars, restaurants and hot tubs (on the few afternoons that the sun appeared) about their favourite comedians as well as tips on managing motion sickness. There were also the typical British gripes about queuing times to see the top acts, and on some evenings we had to rush dinner to secure a seat, especially for Whitehall’s headline show.
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Although, even in the queues, a jovial atmosphere prevailed, and my wife and I proudly crammed in four acts during one sea day afternoon. There was a funny skit about sellotape from Lloyd Griffith and a great show from Emmanuel Sonubi, who shared his struggles with teenage slang, and John Robertson, who presents a hilarious immersive 1980s themed video game show called The Dark Room, where he shouts instructions at audience members to help them progress through challenges.
Some of the funniest moments were not from the well-polished performers and expertly-delivered anecdotes, however, but through audience interactions, such as a lady who tried to explain to one of the comedians about how she grows her own trout while waving a fish-shaped handbag in the air.
The Improv All Stars show was also one of my favourites and featured Whitehall and fellow comic Ian Coppinger improvising an audience-suggested coffee shop scene in the style of a Shakespeare musical. Coppinger delivered probably my favourite line of the week when he described his coffee costing £1.98, saying that he didn’t know whether to tip “2p, or not 2p.”
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Unlike at festivals such as Edinburgh Fringe, though, there was no backstage area where the acts could hide from the glare of passengers. I couldn’t resist the urge to grab a selfie with Whitehall after finding him hiding under a baseball cap in the corner of the Sip Bar.
Most of the acts were scheduled for the evening, especially on port days, giving guests the chance to explore La Coruña and Bilbao in Spain and Le Verdon in France. This meant there were also opportunities to take part in Virgin Voyages’ own unique entertainment, that it has developed since launching in 2021.
The adult-only cruise brand has built a reputation for doing things differently at sea, with a “happenings cast” of entertainers replacing the traditional cruise director, and high-end restaurants in place of the traditional buffet. I devoured three different types of pasta one evening at the ship’s Extra Virgin Italian restaurant, and enjoyed a delicious goat cheese, blue cheese and brie tart in the experimental Test Kitchen dining experience.
An afternoon of Bingo with the Diva provided an innuendo-filled version of the traditional game before I returned for the Y2K New Year’s Eve party on another night, despite it being September.
There was, of course, Virgin Voyages’ iconic Scarlet Night, where the whole ship turns into a party venue and sailors are invited to dress in red. Moorhouse, who performed before the Scarlet Night Party, told the audience that it felt like performing in communist era China, “but more camp.”
By the end of the voyage, guests and comedians were mingling happily. Brought closer by the ship’s movement and plenty of mojitos. But while a stormy ship may not offer the most stable stage, the week definitely had plenty of laughter to keep it afloat.
How to do it
Virgin Voyages’ 2026 week-long UK Comedy Fest is scheduled for 20 August, with cabin prices from £2,584.
The round-trip from Portsmouth includes stops in Bruges, Amsterdam and Hamburg. Comedy acts will be confirmed at a later date.
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